I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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