I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
