Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
