I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
