im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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