told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
