apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
