Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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