just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize