I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Randomize
