she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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