**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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