What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
