I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
