New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
