WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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