I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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