we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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