I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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