I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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