I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize