You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
