Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think a kid would responsible me up
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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