I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
