8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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