I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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