Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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