non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
