if you like me you must not know who I am
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
