Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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