help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I can text with my tongue
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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