3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
