I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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