i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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