he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize