I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
