I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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