Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize