Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
