she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize