Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
