I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
