Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
