I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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