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Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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