So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
