What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
