i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
