Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
