would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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