your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just threw up on my dentist
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
