he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize