You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
