he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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