Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
