Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
