Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
