went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
