I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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