goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
