I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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