Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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