The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hippo gnu deer
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
