the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
