Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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