what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
