Nicole vs. Life
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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