apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He did a backflip because drugs
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize