Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
