just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
