Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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