well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
