everyone is single if you try hard enough
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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