A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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