This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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