my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize