honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
