Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
