i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
