i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize