of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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