no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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