I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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