Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just google imaged poop.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
