She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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