So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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