I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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