My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
