I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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