if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
