Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
