I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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