I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
