"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
