Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
