I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
