I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
