I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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