I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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