she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
