Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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