You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
