So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
