I wish you could order shots online.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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