WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
