got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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