I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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