That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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