you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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