Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
