you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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