He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
