I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I need to calm my uterus...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
